I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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