These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
