This is not my ceiling
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
