Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
party gras won. party gras always wins.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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