the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
