you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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