after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
