I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
