I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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