forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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