What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
