a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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