You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
