is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
