we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
