great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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