I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
