I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
