Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
