I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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