I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
