I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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