Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
