Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
