Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I need a burrito and a hug.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
