Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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