I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
