he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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