so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
