I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
