New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
