Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
