Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
