so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
