I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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