You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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