I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
