Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
