I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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