so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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