im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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