I like to think it a success when the cops are called
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
