And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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