I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
