I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
