I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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