I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She even gives head with a lisp.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
