it was like eating out sand paper
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
