Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
