It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Rumble strips road head = magical
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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